The Nightmare
by jls62113
Summary: Carl suffers from a nightmare as a result from shooting his mother.


The Nightmare

Rick and Michonne had said goodnight to each other for the 2nd time and snuggled closer together under the warm blanket. Right before drifting off to sleep, Michonne heard a sound that was muffled but clearly audible. Michonne sat upright to listen.

"Did you hear that?" She said turning to Rick.

"Yeah I did." He said already looking at the baby monitor to see Judith still sleeping soundly.

The sound came again.

"Carl." Michonne said getting out of bed and putting on her robe.

"Michonne, he's fourteen." Rick said looking at her in a way that she understood.

"I know the difference, this wasn't that." Michonne said seriously.

Rick jumped up quickly putting on sweat pants, moved past Michonne and knocked on Carl's door.

"Carl?" Rick said softly.

They both heard Carl crying and screaming. Rick opened the door and Michonne moved in past Rick and found Carl on the floor. He was tangled up in his bed covers, and curled up in a ball as if he was in pain.

"I'm sorry Mom." Carl said sobbing in his sleep. "I'm sorry, I didn't want to do it. I'll never touch a gun again!"

Michonne looked at Rick who stood in the doorway looking sick to his stomach.

"Carl, wake up." She said almost whispering. His hair was wet with sweat and his sobs were heart wrenching. He finally woke up and looked at Michonne. He put his arms around her and continued to cry. Michonne gave Rick a look and he left the room.

"Carl what's wrong?" Michonne asked getting him to look at her.

"Michonne, I killed my mother." He said between sobs. "I didn't want to do it. She told me to."

"No, no Carl, it wasn't like that."

"I did kill her! You weren't there! My dad wasn't there, just me!"

Rick stood just outside Carl's room with tears running down his face. He had wanted Carl to forget what happened that day, but how could he? No child should have to kill their own mother. Rick now hated this world more than he ever had before. It had hurt the one he loved the most.

After quite a long time, Carl stopped crying, but stayed in Michonne's embrace.

"Do you feel like talking about this?"

Carl nodded and wiped his face with the back of his hand.

"Let's go downstairs, I'll make some hot chocolate."

When they walked out of the room, Rick had left and went to their bedroom. When he heard them going downstairs, he came out of the bedroom and sat down on the step just below the first floor landing.

Carl sat down at the kitchen table while Michonne started to make hot chocolate.

"When did you start having these nightmares?" Michonne asked.

"They just started when we got to Alexandria."

"Same dream?"

"No. This one was different." He swallowed hard and wiped the remaining beads of sweat on his forehead with the back of his hand.

She brought 2 cups of hot chocolate to the table and sat one down in front of Carl. They sat quietly for a while, and she urged Carl to take a sip of the hot chocolate.

"Do you want to talk about it? I think we should."

Carl finally looked at Michonne and nodded.

"I killed my mother." He said lowering his head. He felt so ashamed, he could hardly look at Michonne.

"What happened?" Michonne was careful to tread lightly. Lori was Carl's mother, and no doubt he loved her and misses her. Rick told her before they left the prison what had happened to Lori, but she wanted Carl to tell her.

Carl swallowed hard and cleared his throat.

"We got pinned down in the boiler room at the prison, and one of the prisoners my dad kicked out, Andrew, let some walkers in and then he set off the prison alarm. My mom, Maggie and I got trapped, and my mom went into labor. She told Maggie she would have to do a C-section. Carol was supposed to do it, but we thought she was dead, so Maggie had to."

Carl looked up at Michonne with such pain in his eyes, it was hard for her to look at him without breaking down herself.

"Maggie had to cut her, she was in a lot of pain, and she lost a lot of blood. She told me that I had to shoot her. She knew she was going to die and didn't want to turn."

He stopped for a moment and wiped at the tears running down his face.

"I didn't want to do it."

"I know, and I'm so sorry you had to. It seems like it's not right, but sometimes there is no other choice. It's what we have to do now, especially for those we love. You did what you had to do."

Carl finally focused on Michonne and nodded his head. His eyes still pleading with her to make it stop.

"I know you loved your mother very much. You loved her enough to do what you did for her. That takes a lot of love. You've always understood what we've had to do. Remember when you helped Spencer with his mom? You helped your mother the way Spencer helped his."

Carl looked at Michonne and nodded again.

"This world is a difficult place for all of us, more so for you. You were a very young child when this started; the years when you start really learning things. There has not been the time to help you process everything you've seen, and things we've had to do. We were always running, surviving, looking for a home."

"So I had a meltdown?" Carl said looking in Michonne's eyes.

"In a way. You needed to talk about what happened. We all have issues inside of us that we want to forget, but they will always find a way to make us remember them. You started having nightmares. I have them too sometimes, so does your dad. Whenever you get those thoughts, I want you to come to me or your dad and talk about them okay?"

"Okay." Carl said managing a smile.

"And you really should talk to your dad about this. He might need to talk about it too."

"You think so?"

Michonne nodded her head and smiled sadly at Carl.

"He has been with you all the time, and has seen what you've seen. Being a leader he has had to do more than any of us. He's protected and watched out for an entire group of people, and being your dad at the same time. He has wanted to be there just for you, but the way things are, and the man he is, he has more responsibilities. He can help you understand these things, but he's going to need your help too. Don't shut him out. He's having enough trouble with you growing up so fast. The two of you were very important to your mother, and who better to talk to you about her than someone who knew her. Your dad's awake now if you want to do it now."

"I don't want him to blame me."

"Carl he never would. He blames himself because you had to do it. He loves you more than he loves his own life. Every decision that he has made, he always first made sure you and Judith would be safe. He's very proud of you."

Michonne got up from the table and stood next to Carl.

"Come here." She said holding her arms open. She hugged Carl and kissed the side of his head. "I love you."

"I love you too." He said.

She noticed that he looked a little happier than he did earlier.

"I'll go get your dad."

Michonne walked over to the bottom of the stairs. She saw Rick sitting on the landing. He quickly wiped away the tears from his face. She looked in his tear filled eyes and wanted to console him, but he needed to be with his son right now. She gestured slightly with her head and he came down the stairs. When he got to the bottom he placed a hand at the back of her neck and gently pulled her to him. He kissed her forehead and whispered in her ear. "Thank you. I love you."

Rick walked over to Carl, and Michonne watched the two of them embrace. She slowly climbed the stairs and looked in on Judith. She looked down into her crib at the sleeping beauty and ran her fingers over the light brown curls so like her father's. "You and I are two of the most blessed girls in this new world."


End file.
